Stop searching for it in the wrong places

Many of us allow our happiness to be dictated by the moments in our life. We feel happy only when good things happen to us. The problem with this approach is that when we let our moods rise and fall based on external circumstances, we are only happy until the next bad thing comes along. If you’re depending an outside source to bring your joy and sense of purpose, it’ll be like a never-ending roller coaster.

The same is true in your love life. If you are solely dependent on others to provide love, you will always be searching. But in reality, it’s within us all along. How powerful is that? Knowing you can feel love all the time?

Developing a strong sense of self-love not only enables you to be comfortable when you are single, but also to distinguish the positive relationships from the unhealthy ones.

Meggan Watterson and Lodro Rinzler translated that concept so clearly in our interview – sharing highlights of their book, How To Love Yourself (And Sometimes Other People). Meggan is the founder of Reveal – an organization that spiritually empowers women. Lodro is a guru practitioner and teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist lineage and the author of five books on meditation, including the best-selling The Buddha Walks into a Bar and award-winning Walk Like a Buddha.

During our conversation, Meggan and Lodro talked about everything from learning to embrace your vulnerability in relationships to meditation exercises that allow you to access love from within.

Self-love isn’t going to happen overnight. It takes extensive work and considerable dedication. But learning how to love yourself right and treat yourself well can impact the way you live your life and the things you’re able to accomplish.

Here are five ways to jumpstart your journey to self-love and finding love:

1. Face your fears

We all have a history that includes some negative – sometimes traumatizing – experiences. We all have baggage to go along with that bad history. We’ve all been hurt by someone. The problem is that many of us remain paralyzed by what scares us, afraid of the unknown and afraid to step outside our comfort zone. To create change, you must reframe your perspective. Start by making a list about things that scare you. Start with one small thing, try to face it and understand why it’s not so scary. Then move onto the next small thing, and so on.

2. Embrace your imperfections

Let go of the ideal. Let go of what you think perfection looks like. Life is perfection in all its imperfections. Don’t let an obsession for perfection slow you down in accomplishing your goals. Say goodbye to “I’m not good enough.”

3. Be kind to yourself

It’s time to accept the fact that no one judges you more than you judge yourself. You can be your own worst enemy, but you need to get out of your way and start developing patience. Be patient with yourself, and accept your flaws.

4. Forgive

You can’t grow without forgiveness. But know that it’s a process, and it will always take time. Forgive others for things they didn’t mean to do. Forgive others for things they didn’t know they did. Forgive yourself for mistakes you think you’ve made. And forgive yourself if things don’t change quickly enough.

5. Have faith

Believe that you are capable of accomplishing great things. Believe that you can do anything because you can. You are a strong and powerful being, and you can deal with any challenge that comes your way. Remember, you’ve already survived the worst thing you’ve experienced in your life.

Remember, you’re worth it. You deserve happiness, and the sooner you love from within, the sooner you will be able to open your heart to someone else.

Rose Caiola
Inspired. Rewired.