“Self-love is the knowing that you were created to be completely loved and completely lovable just as you are. When you embrace this truth, the world mirrors that knowing. When you don’t feel loved or lovable, it is because you have lost your connection to your spiritual nature. You have lost your connection to your true self.” – Deepak Chopra

The first step in finding your “true love” is realizing that the love of your life is and always will be you. Fall in love with yourself and that is the same energy that you will attract in relationships with others.

Are you having trouble finding that special someone? Here are 7 steps to move toward a meaningful, loving relationship.

Start loving you

If you already have deeply embedded thoughts or feeling that you are unlovable, chances are that is what the universe will mirror. What is your internal dialogue around relationships and yourself?

Do you say things like, “I’m never going to find Mr. Right,” “all men are dogs” or “there’s something wrong with me.” Then, it’s definitely time to switch up your mantras.

It’s true that you can’t truly love someone if you don’t love yourself.  But the other harsh reality is that if you don’t truly love yourself, the chances of someone else loving you are slim to none.

Do you own inner-work

Part of loving yourself is taking a deep look into your inner-workings. This means looking at your past experiences and taking responsibility, yet forgiving yourself for whatever mistakes/trespasses you have made.

Mistakes and failures are always an opportunity for growth. If you don’t learn the lesson, chances are you will repeat that karma again and again, until you get the message and make a change.

Forgive your exes

Once you have dealt with your own insecurities, fears, and inner demons, it’s time to forgive others. We can carry a whole heap of baggage into new relationships without letting go of past relationships.

Obviously, even two good people with the best intentions and similar values and lifestyles, can be doomed at the start if they haven’t truly healed from past relationships and still have a chip on the shoulder.

Set your intentions

This is more about you than anyone else. Write down your goals for the near future, a month from now, a year from now, and 5 years from now.

• What does your life look and feel like?
• What are you doing in the world?
• Who lives in your home?
• Who are you in a relationship with?
• Are you married?
• Any children in the picture?
• What type of home do you live in?
• How much money do you make?
• How do you interact with your partner?

These are all important questions to ask. Write them down on a piece of paper and keep it where you can see it (as a reminder and a way to set the intention).

Create a vision board

Gather magazine clippings of images you would like to manifest in your life. It can be your ideal house, car, career, images of love, and an area where you want to live. Include words that have meaning to you. Take all the clippings and paste them onto a big board.  Place the poster somewhere you look many times a day, so the images will be ingrained in your mind – therefore more likely to become a reality.

State your ideal partner

You want a meaningful relationship, but with who. You have to get clear and set the intention of what your “true love” is like.

What are character qualities you want in your mate?

Write a list of things you feel strongly about that are deal breakers or deal sealers. Things like values, lifestyle, views on money, spiritual beliefs and practices, hobbies, abilities, age, habits, profession.

Carefully go through the list and ask “why are these things important to me?” Look at the underlying reason why you feel strongly about these things. After looking deeply at your list, you may want to cross out a few things that you realize are not as important to you.

Date with the intention of marriage 

(or whatever you want out of the relationship). If you are projecting yourself as a one night stand, you might just get what you want. When you are clear in your goals (like meeting your soulmate). You are sending out a message to the universe about what you really want, and you won’t settle for less.

Practice abstinence (at least for a while)

Orgasms in both men and women release a hormone called oxytocin, that binds you emotionally to the other person. This is one reason for continuing a relationship that you know good and well is not a match made in heaven.

Be honest with yourself. I have heard of very few healthy, lasting relationships that began with a one night stand. Whether or not it’s because the respect is lost or not, ask yourself  “what’s the rush?” See what you’re getting yourself into before you move further down the rabbit hole.

Follow these steps and love will appear. No “finding” or searching necessary.