My friend Mark is on a quest for personal greatness.

“I know I can be a more empowered person—I just don’t know how to do it!” He sighs, then rushes off to the bookstore for the perfect book to transform him from who he is today to the awesome person he envisions for tomorrow.

In the six years I’ve known Mark, I’ve watched him devour more than 200 self-help books, audios, and ebooks. I’ve wished him luck on his goal to do the firewalk at a retreat and listened to stories of other weekend programs as he searched for the key to his best self.

After every high-energy infusion, Mark remains hyped up and ready to rock—for a while. Then, energy flagging, he searches for the next program to catapult him forward. The endless cycle of external, professional input without impressive or long-lasting internal results continued until Mark became frustrated and depressed.

“Maybe I should just write myself off,” he told me, discouraged.

As a post-trauma coach, I work with clients who are always searching for that single moment that will transform their lives. They want it, need it, won’t be able to live without it. So they seek it everywhere—except the one place it exists: inside themselves.

To be fair, looking inside the quiet truth of who you are can be an uncomfortable exercise. Fear, guilt, shame, and embarrassment quickly become overwhelming, especially when you’re accustomed to embracing coping mechanisms and unquestioned belief systems from elsewhere. All too often it’s easier to focus on the outer work of reading a new book or attempting an exciting activity. Looking in the mirror, seeing your true reflection, and creating change through your own efforts can bring up emotions you’d rather not face and require explorations for which you don’t feel ready.

Like many of us, Mark wanted to be told what to do rather than discover his own path.

The problem is that while programs and products can stimulate interesting inner work, they can’t substitute for it. Since 98% of our actions are habits, we daily engage in behaviors, assumptions, interpretations, and self-criticisms without being aware of them—even while they are often the uncomfortable source that motivates change. Which means the beginning of the transformational process lies in the specific messages we receive from within. We absolutely must be willing to look there for our most personalized direction and then act on the messages by asking ourselves the right questions. The answers can’t come from a book geared toward a universal audience.

“You do so much diligent outer work. How about doing an equal amount of inner work?” I gently suggested to Mark.

“You mean, like, sit still and meditate?”

Yes, that’s exactly what I meant. In observing the transformation of my clients, I’ve seen two inner exercises yield enormous results. Meditation is one. It slows down thought processes and experiences so that you learn to truly engage with and in the present moment through a perspective of observation that leads to revelation. Journaling is the other. It opens a dialogue with yourself in which you can both pose and answer questions from a deep place of focused and intuitive knowing. Together, these activities offer a practice of introspection that almost immediately yields profound awareness about what you want versus what you think you want (or others want for you) and how you can attain the desired results.

Mark’s process took a decidedly different turn when he stopped chasing the change and decided to create it himself through ideas revealed by his inner work. Today, he has built a successful construction business in which he’s a strong and respected project manager. With the resulting financial success, he bought a house, leased the car of his dreams, and uses his new boat for his favorite hobby, scuba diving with friends.

Firewalking can be great; it shows what you are capable of achieving with just the power of your mind. Once the coals cool, however, you have to be willing to pause, step back, reflect, assess, choose, and act. You have to be willing to risk. That kind of daring can’t be bought, borrowed, or manufactured. It can only come from courageously accessing a desire that breathes deep within your soul.

Read about Michele Rosenthal.