Dear Wife,

Remember the day when I shielded you from the heavy rains on our third date? You held me so close and you wouldn’t let go until it subsided. That was the day I fell in love with you.

You may wonder how this minor detail became a core memory, leading to our marriage. It was one of the last times I felt like your hero. Since then, things have been different, and I want that feeling back.

I haven’t felt loved by you for the past several years, and I couldn’t figure out why.

Then I happened to pick up the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It’s a book about the inner lives of men, and there’s a section on respect that describes my feelings so clearly.

I haven’t felt your love because you lost respect for me.

You may wonder how since we don’t really argue. Honestly, I’ve lost the will to argue because things never change. You say you love me everyday, but here are five things that make me think you no longer do:

1. You No Longer Respect My Judgment

When I come up with ideas that I think will help us a family, you always shoot them down. I know I make less money than you, so that may give you extra authority. But when you constantly shoot down my ideas, it makes me feel dumb.

2. You No Longer Have Confidence In Me

I can handle projects around the house, especially when you’ve given me the green light to handle it. When you jump in to save me or take the project off my plate, you’re basically telling me that you have no confidence in me.

3. You No Longer Respect Me For My Accomplishments

I sacrificed a lot in my career because I saw the gifts and talents you possessed, and I wanted to see you soar. When I’ve shared wonderful news that happened to me at work, you barely even acknowledge it. How hard would it be to say, “I’m proud of you!”?

4. You No Longer Care How We Communicate

When you ask me to do something, I plan on doing it. If there’s something you want done in a specific time period, tell me when you want it done. If I can’t get the task done in the time period you’re looking for, we’ll both know. It feels negative when you constantly remind me.

The way you communicate with me makes me feel like I’ve failed you. What you don’t understand is that I already feel like I’ve failed, and your constant reminders make it worse. It’s not in my nature to fail and anything I say I’m going to do.

5. You No Longer Respect Me In Public

I know you don’t tell stories about me often. But when you tell your girlfriends stories about me that are funny at my expense to make them feel better, it really kills me. Your simple teasing makes me feel that I’m not worthy of anything.

I know this may come as a shock to you, but if you choose me to be your hero again, I’ll do what it takes to go through the walls and be the hero you want me to be.

Sincerely,

Your Unloved Husband